Turning points

There are certain points in your life, and your career, that have a significant impact on you personally and/or professionally. Remember the first time you had a patient die? Or how about a time when you made an impact on a patient, and helped them overcome a struggle they had? Remember when you held your child for the first time? Tell me that didn't change your life forever! Each of us has these moments in our life. They are who we are and why we are where we are today.

We have to accept what happens to us, because we can't really control it. About the only thing we can control is how we respond...how we interact. You can't make your patient's colostomy bag smell any better...but you can refrain from making that "sweet-mother-of-pearl-what-died" face, and act like you notice nothing. We can work alongside someone who just likes to swing on our very last nerve, and choose to ignore their efforts to elicit a response. You see, WE are in control of us...even if we feel like we aren't. I'm not saying pretend the colostomy smells like fresh baked cinnamon rolls, or that the person next to you is your BFF. These things are what they are. Just let them be, and carry on about your day. You have things to do, and these are but small pieces of gravel in a long unpaved road that is your day...and your life.

I remember the first time I had a patient pass on in the NICU. It was devastating. I did my best to hold back my tears. The baby's father- who was a very large "prize-fighter-looking" guy was an emotional wreck, reduced to the very essence of sadness and grief. He was crying for the both of us. I'm not saying what I did was the "right thing" to do...I know many others would have been a mess. But I chose to remain as calm as I could, and offer him and his wife all of the support I could...allowing them this private moment to hold their baby, without having to share this with me. That was my choice. That was a turning point.

Having kids makes as different...it just does. There is no other love on this Earth that compares to the love you have for your child. To see a parent grieve over the loss of their own child is heart wrenching, and I cannot even begin to imagine the pain that they feel. I know, for them, that will be a turning point. The patient who comes very close to death, experiencing powerlessness and loss of hope, can persevere and live to appreciate life a little more afterward. That is a turning point for them.

What about professionally? What have been your turning points? My time spent in the NICU was definitely one of mine. That is a whole different world all in its own. My thoughts about caring, sharing, learning, and leading have been shaped by certain events and people through the years. I have never forgotten one man who taught me that having a positive outlook is my choice, and moreover, why wouldn't I have one? He used the comparison of driving a Pinto or a Ferrari. He asked me, "if you could choose either car, which one would you drive?" Of course, I said Pinto! (just kidding, I went for the Ferrari...) He said, "OK, so when someone asks 'how are you today?', what do you say...'okay' or do you say 'GREAT!'" I have never forgotten that. Those who know me will understand this story, because every time someone asks me how I am doing, my response is either "great!" or the ever popular "fantastic!" Why would you have a negative attitude, when you could just-as-easily have a positive one? It isn't anyone else's fault (or problem) that you may be having a bad day...you don't need to spread that kind of energy around.

I do firmly believe that everything happens for a reason...even if it seems pointless at the moment. Change is inevitable, and we must embrace it, because there is no use in resisting...it will consume all of your energy, only it will happen much faster! You don't have to like it, but you must accept it for what it is...change. It goes both ways, good and bad. I can say that I have failed at a lot of things in my life, and I have learned a lot too. I appreciate who I am and what I do now more than ever. And I appreciate all of the people I work with too. It's not easy being a nurse, and perhaps that's why I love it, and respect it. Trying to influence change in nursing is like attempting to steer the Titanic with a spoon. It may seem impossible, but you will never know until you try. And when you get knocked down, sit there for a minute...think about what happened...get back up on your two feet...put on a big smile and say, "thank you, may I have another!?!"

You don't get to control what life brings you. You don't get to control how people treat you.

When your life is at a turning point, you will definitely know it. You will find yourself re-evaluating your inner self, your career, your hopes and dreams...everything. And when you are at that crossroads, look carefully at your choices...choose the unpaved road...full of bumps and uneven surfaces. That is where you will find adventure and experience true discovery (hopefully of your self). And remember...

Have a GREAT day!

Thank you.

Steve